


It's a long road (but i'll walk it with you)

by elusivelamb



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post Season 5, a little angsty but mostly fluffy, catra gets some of the therapy she desperately needs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24258187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elusivelamb/pseuds/elusivelamb
Summary: "Why do you love me? You deserve better than this. Just leave, I know you want to. Somewhere deep down, you have to hate me. So just leave."Catra struggles with guilt and insecurity. Perfuma and Adora are there to help.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 356





	It's a long road (but i'll walk it with you)

Catra tapped her fingers on the arm of the chair. It was this overly soft, pastel pink thing, and she had a strong urge to rip it to shreds. Which was only accentuated by the presence of the smiling woman sitting opposite to her, leaning forward in anticipation. Perfuma really never knew when to give up. Which seemed to be a requirement to join the Rebellion.

“So Catra, what did you want to talk about?” she prompted.

“Nothing. Who says I came here to talk about something?” Catra fired back. Melog, sitting by her feet, grunted and tilted their head. 

“Catra…” Perfuma moved her hand and a vine snaked up to gently wrap around Catra’s wrist. She watched it suspiciously as a yellow flower bloomed into the palm of her hand. “Open, vulnerable, kind. Remember?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Catra huffed. “Fine. It’s— I don’t know, it’s like…” She huffed again, frustrated. Usually when she had feelings like this she would push them down, deep down where they’d never see the light of day. It was so easy for her to do, probably too easy, but she’d promised not to do it anymore. Melog made a purring noise and rubbed their head against her thigh. 

Catra took a deep breath. “It’s like, the more I _empathize_ , or whatever, the worse I feel.” 

“Worse how?” Perfuma asked. 

“I just feel worse, okay?” Her voice had a familiar edge to its tone, and it made her want to scream. “Sorry. I…” Catra sighed. “How can you forgive me? After everything I’ve done, everything I’ve said, how? I mean, I’m relieved that apparently nobody here knows how to hold a grudge, but… I don’t deserve this.” She stared fixedly at the flower in her hand. Another unearned gift.

“I forgive you because I think everyone deserves a second chance. You’re trying, and that’s what matters to me. Holding grudges only spreads negativity.” She smiled again, like an inescapable ray of sunshine. More flowers bloomed over the vine.

Catra suppressed a growl. “But _I_ don’t deserve this. If I were you, I’d kick me out in a second.”

Perfuma frowned, and Catra felt another sharp twinge of guilt. There was a lot of that happening lately.

“Catra, forgiveness is a two-way street. Maybe you’re the one that needs to forgive yourself?” 

This time she did growl. Melog bristled too.

“What’s all this really about?” Perfuma forged ahead without flinching. “Adora?”

“No!” Catra stood up quickly. The vine fell to the floor, along with a disgruntled Melog.

Perfuma raised her eyebrows knowingly, her mouth forming a pleased little u-shape. Catra couldn’t stand that expression.

“Ugh, okay. Yes.” She flopped back into the chair and crossed her arms.

“Less defensive, please~” Perfume used a vine to delicately uncross Catra’s arms, then tucked another flower behind her ear. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

Catra groaned but didn’t resist. “I don’t know what I expected.”

“So what’s going on with your girlfriend?” 

The word ‘girlfriend’ made Catra blush, even though they’d been together for weeks now. She cleared her throat.

“It’s good. Being with her, I mean. After everything.” Melog had crawled back onto her, purring loudly. “She makes me feel…” Catra blushed harder. Words couldn’t do it justice, not really.

Perfuma made an intolerable ‘aww’ noise and Catra glared at her.

“But she’s not the problem. I’m the problem… as always.” Catra mumbled out the last two words. “I just, I don’t get it. How can she lo—” she couldn’t even say it. Suddenly her hands were shaking. With the gripping, paralyzing fear that Adora didn’t really love her. That she secretly resented her. Even hated her.

Perfuma shook her head. “Adora never stopped loving you. And she’s forgiven you too, you know. For everything.”

“You don’t know that,” Catra muttered bitterly.

“I do. It’s hard, but you need to push back against the insecurity you’re feeling.”

“No, you DON’T.” Catra’s fists clenched unconsciously.

Perfuma paused. “I think you should talk to her.”

“What?! No!” Catra yelped at the thought. “The whole point of THIS—” she gestured between them aggressively “—is so I don’t bother Adora with my stupid…” She growled and raked a hand through her hair. “Look, I’m not gonna let _my_ problems hurt her anymore.”

“You seem like you want to talk to her.” Perfuma raised her hands.

Melog made a pleased mewling sound.

“Ah, listen to The Melog!” Perfuma’s eyes lit up. “You _do_ want to talk. I think Adora will appreciate your openness. Perhaps you could write down your thoughts ahead of time. It’s good to—”

“Will you give it a rest?” Catra interrupted. “I’m NOT talking to Adora about this.” She stood up again and marched to the door.

“Catraaa!” Perfuma stood too, reaching out a hand to stop her.

“Bye.” Catra yanked the door open and stormed out before she could say anything else. Melog trotted out at her heels, but they clearly weren’t happy about the developments, letting out occasional whining noises as Catra clomped through the hallways of Bright Moon to the room she shared with Adora.

“Calm down,” Catra scowled. She lingered outside the door, ears pricked up to listen for Adora’s footsteps or breathing. Nothing. 

Catra pushed the door open and headed to the bed, stretching out on her back with a grunt. She closed her eyes, willing herself to think about anything other than the conversation with Perfuma. Or Adora... 

Melog nudged her hand with their head.

“What?” Catra glanced down to see a very grumpy cat-alien. They were holding a notepad and pen in their mouth, which was roughly tossed onto Catra’s lap. 

“Seriously? No.” She sat up and shoved the notepad away, but Melog just grabbed it and dropped it onto her lap again. 

Catra let out a long groan. Maybe writing something down wasn’t the worst idea. It’s not like she had to show it to Adora. She slowly flipped open the notepad and picked up the pen, hovering over the blank lines.

_Hey Adora. I wanted to say that I’m sorry. For, you know, commanding an evil army and trying to take over the world. Sorry for setting that portal off. Sorry for kidnapping your friends. Sorry for blaming you. Sorry for hurting you._

Catra’s eye twitched. It sounded even worse listed out like that. She crossed out the lines in heavy, angry strokes. 

_I should have told you I loved you at the beginning. In the woods, when you found the sword. I wonder if we could have avoided everything. If I had been honest with you._

_I should have said that you were everything I loved. You were the only thing in the world that didn’t try to hurt me._

She crossed it out again. Her hand was starting to shake.

_Why do you love me? You deserve better than this. Just leave, I know you want to. Somewhere deep down, you have to hate me. So just leave._

Catra tore the page out, smacking it facedown on the nightstand. She could feel tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She brushed them away roughly and turned her attention to the fresh, blank page. She focused on breathing deeply, like Perfuma always said.

_Hey Adora. I wanted to say thank you. For coming back for me. For staying. For never giving up on me, or on anything. I love that about you, did you know that?_

_But I wish you’d think of yourself sometimes. I hope you know that you deserve to have everything you want._

Catra was about to tear that one out too, but the sound of footsteps outside the door made her stop. The doorknob turned and she leapt to her feet, hastily stowing the notebook under the blankets.

“Hey Catra.” Adora smiled at her from the doorway. Catra felt her breath catch in her throat. 

“Do you—” Adora poorly held back a laugh. “Do you have a flower in your hair?” She closed the gap between them and gently touched it with her fingers. “Talking to Perfuma again?”

“Maybe.” Catra couldn’t help but smile at Adora’s uncontained glee. “Shut up.”

Adora gave her a smug grin. “No way. This is SO SWEET.” She kissed Catra’s cheek lightly, and with that all of Catra’s protests died in her throat.

“You’re such an idiot.” Catra pushed her away, struggling to contain her own laughter.

“Hey, what’s that?” She’d spotted the rumpled piece of paper still sitting on the nightstand. Catra felt her heart drop down to her stomach.

“It’s nothing! Give me that!” She tried to snatch it but Adora was too quick for her, holding it up out of her reach.

“Well now I have to see it,” she teased.

“Don’t!” Catra tried to lunge for the paper but Adora stiff-armed her while shaking it open with her other hand.

“Leeeeet’s see what we got here…” 

Her eyes widened as she read the words. The easy, joking smile had vanished. Catra lowered her ears and stepped back. “Adora, I…” She couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Catra.” Adora lowered the page slowly. “Is this really how you feel?”

“You weren’t supposed to read it!” Catra exploded. “Why can’t you ever leave anything alone?” She snatched the paper and crumbled into a tight ball. But it was too late.

“Catra!” Adora grabbed her wrists. The crumpled-up page fell to the floor. “I’m not leaving you!”

“You should. Already did once, didn’t you?” Catra hated herself for even thinking it, let alone saying it.

Adora flinched. “Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?” Catra pulled her hands away and crossed her arms.

“Catra.” Adora groaned and shook her head. “I told you I never hated you. I TOLD you I’m not leaving you. Why can’t you just...trust me?” 

Catra hesitated, then dropped her arms to her sides. “I trust you.” There was a lump in her throat making it hard to speak, but Catra forced the words to come out.

“But...I’ve done so many unforgivable things. I’ve—” She felt a tear roll down her cheek.

Adora hugged her, holding her so tightly it was almost hard to breathe. “You know what you did, Catra? You saved everyone’s life. You saved my life. You’re the only one who could.” She stroked a hand up and down her back, and Catra shivered at the touch. Adora’s hands could always do that to her.

“I want you. I love you. I’ll say it as much as you need me to, okay? I’m. Not. Leaving.” Adora pulled back slowly, brushing her hands down Catra’s arms to intertwine their fingers. “Got it?”

Catra looked at her. Took in the set of her jaw, the furrow in her brows, the determination in her eyes.

“You’re so stubborn.” She sighed, squeezing Adora’s hands.

“Not as stubborn as you.” Her expression softened. 

Catra tried to crack a smile. “I know. I just can’t shake this feeling. That I’m going to lose this. That I’m going to lose you.” It took everything she had to keep her voice steady. So it took her a moment to see the tears in Adora’s eyes.

“Oh, Catra…” Adora placed a soft kiss on her lips. The warmth of it rippled through her body in a soothing wave. Catra’s shoulders un-tensed slightly.

She pulled away to stare at Adora again. To wonder why she couldn’t relax and be happy with what she had. What she had always wanted.

“Hey, can I show you something? It’s… it’s pretty corny.” 

“Yes!” Adora’s eyes were sparkling, and she had the goofiest grin plastered across her face. Catra couldn’t help but snicker. She dug the notepad out from the blanket and handed it over. 

“Here. It’s a thank you note, I guess.” Catra mumbled the words out in a hasty, embarrassed jumble. 

“Aww, Catra!” Adora grabbed it eagerly and scanned over the short message while Catra’s tail twitched back and forth. 

The seconds ticked on and on. The silence was getting suffocating. Worst of all, Adora’s goofy smile had faded, and it looked like her lip was shaking.

“...Adora?”

Suddenly, almost violently, tears started spilling out from her wide, blue eyes. Catra jolted. This wasn’t the reaction she’d been expecting.

“Adora!” Catra held her face in her hands and ineffectually wiped at the stream of tears. “What’s wrong?”

Adora shook her head, sniffling loudly. “Thank _you_ , Catra.” She raised a hand to hold Catra’s, to keep it against her cheek. 

“For what?” Catra asked quietly. Her thoughts, that constant barrage of self-doubt and fear and anger, ground to a halt. The look Adora was giving her had overwhelmed all of it.

“For seeing me.” She gave her the smallest, softest smile. “And for trying. I love that about you, you know that?”

Catra’s cheeks turned red. She gingerly wiped the last of Adora's tears away with her palm. “Yeah, well, don’t go getting all sappy on me.”

“You’re one to talk.” Adora had the audacity to smirk at her.

Catra scoffed but didn’t bother to protest. Instead she crossed the small gap between them, pressing their lips together insistently. At a certain point, this was the only way to get Adora to shut up. She felt Adora smiling against her mouth and, a moment later, an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. 

“I love you, Catra.” Adora murmured between kisses. “I love you.”

And for the first time in days, Catra felt at ease. She felt safe. She could believe that maybe this could last. That it would be the one thing that did. 

Adora was tugging her to the bed now. Catra didn’t resist. 

“I love you too.”

She’d have to remember to thank Perfuma later.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while still in a completely feral state over that finale.. Never written she-ra fanfic before but season 5 DEMANDED it.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! Hope you liked it <3


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